Beauty from ashes daughter

Words of hope from an abuse survivor

Waiting November 24, 2012

Filed under: Poetry — Beauty from ashes daughter @ 4:16 pm
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I’m trying to take one day at a time.

I want to trust that God will see me thru this.

I long to believe that the answer is around the corner.

So I keep waiting.

For Him to show me the next step.

 

I want to believe that beauty will come in the morning.

With each new day, I am disappointed.

No clear answer or direction.

So I keep waiting.

For Him to respond to my plea.

 

His word says not to worry.

That He will guide my path.

But I am groping in the dark, lost.

So I keep waiting.

For Him to shine a light so I can see.

 

He promises He is with me.

But I still feel all alone.

Afraid of what happens next.

So I keep waiting.

For Him to give me peace.

 

I can’t seem to find my way.

I have forgotten where I belong.

No longer sure of my purpose.

So I keep waiting.

For Him to remind me that I’m His.

 

Confused, lonely, lost, waiting, waiting, waiting…

 

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Rock Bottom October 31, 2012

Filed under: Abuse — Beauty from ashes daughter @ 11:44 pm
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I may have hit one of the deepest pits of despair that I have ever experienced. I haven’t felt this alone and hopeless since I was in high school and in the throws of my sexual abuse. It seems that God is teaching me lessons lately about the people in my life not being as trustworthy as I thought they were or as they should be. Here is the problem with this: I already know all about broken trust. I spent my entire childhood learning the lesson that those who should love and support us no matter what, don’t.  Why then, does God find it necessary to drive this point home? I mean, really, I get the picture!
In addition to this, I find myself in a position of being abused all over again by a person in seniority to me. I cannot escape it without sacrificing my livelihood. But, on the other hand, what does allowing it to continue say about me? After years of self-empowerment and personal growth, which included setting boundaries with my abusers, how can I possibly stand by and allow myself to be bullied without taking ten steps back in my healing? And why on earth does this person have this much power over me?

 

I’m listening to this song on repeat right now:

Nothing is Wasted, Jason Gray

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted
[x2]

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine

I just keep praying over and over again that the line I placed in bold happens really soon. I am not sure how much more I can take.

RKB

 

Poetry with a theme of hoplessness September 19, 2012

Filed under: Depression,Emotional Pain — Beauty from ashes daughter @ 12:40 am
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These are from several years ago. I have come so far since then.

Life On Earth

Life on earth seems so hopeless

I am sad and alone

Scared of the future here in this empty place

I’m so tired of it all

Endless days of endless work and endless sleepless nights

Can’t make the pain go away

No matter how hard I try

I give and others take

I love and others hurt

I get nothing in return

Just heartache

Trying to understand what I have done

To deserve this life

But I must play the cards I’ve been dealt

Day after day with no goals and no aim

I must trust that the Lord has a plan

And someday it will be fulfilled

And I will have a purpose

And people will respect me

Maybe even love me

And the pain will stop

And the heartache will fade

And everything will be great

I am wishing for that day

SOMEDAY

Someday things will get better

Someday all of the work will be done

Someday all of the bills will be paid

Someday everyone will have a home

Someday the sun will shine forever

Someday all people will be at peace

Someday love will never die

Someday no one will have to leave you

Someday broken hearts will heal

Someday I will have no regrets

Someday the tears will stop falling

Someday I will be happy

Someday my life will have meaning

Someday people will love me just the way I am

Someday my fears will subside

Someday music will never fade

Someday all of my dreams will come true

Someday I will be where I belong

Someday everything will be just the way we want it to be

This day that I speak of is one that I will look forward to for my entire life

It is the day that I will meet my Father in heaven

 

 
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